“ALEXANDER AND THE TERRIBLE, HORRIBLE, by Judith Viorst I went to sleep with gum in my mouth and now there’s gum in my
hair and when I got out of bed this morning, I tripped on the
skateboard and by mistake I dropped my sweater in the sink while the water was running
and I could tell it was going to be a terrible, horrible, no good, very bad day. At breakfast Anthony found a Corvette Sting Ray car kit in
his breakfast cereal box and Nick found a Junior Undercover Agent code
ring in his breakfast cereal box, but in my breakfast cereal box all I found was
breakfast cereal. I think I’ll move to Australia. In the car pool Mrs. Gibson let Becky have a seat by the
window. Audrey and Elliott got seats by the window, too. I said I was being scrunched. I said I was being smushed. I said, if I don’t get a seat by the
window, I am going to be carsick. No one even answered. I could tell it was going to be a terrible, horrible, no
good, very bad day. At school Mrs. Dickens liked Paul’s picture of the sailboat
better than my picture of the invisible castle. At singing time she said I sang too loud. At counting time
she said I left out sixteen. Who needs sixteen? I could tell it was going to be
a terrible, horrible, no good, very bad day. I could tell because Paul said I wasn’t his best friend
anymore. He said that Philip Parker was his best friend and Albert Moyo was
his next best friend and that I was only his third best friend. I hope you sit on a tack, I said to Paul. I hope the next
time you get a double-decker strawberry ice cream cone the ice cream part
falls off the cone part and lands in Australia. There were two cupcakes in Philip Parker’s lunch bag and
Albert got a Hershey bar with almonds and Paul’s mother gave him a piece
of jelly roll that had little coconut sprinkles on the top. Guess whose mother
forgot to put in dessert? It was a terrible, horrible, no good, very bad day. That’s what it was, because after school my mom took us all
to the dentist and Dr. Fields found a cavity just in me. Come back next
week and I’ll fix it, said Dr. Fields. Next week, I said, I’m going to Australia. On my way downstairs the elevator door closed on my foot and
while we were waiting for my mom to go get the car Anthony made me
fall where it was muddy and then when I started crying because of the mud Nick
said I was a crybaby and while I was punching Nick for saying crybaby my
mom came back with the car and scolded me for being muddy and fighting. I am having a terrible, horrible, no good, vary bad day, I
told everybody. No one even answered. So then we went to the shoestore to buy some sneakers.
Anthony chose white ones with blue stripes. Nick chose red ones with white
stripes. I chose blue ones with red stripes but then the shoe man said, We’re
all sold out. They made me buy plain old white ones but they can’t make me wear
them. When we picked up my dad at his office he said I couldn’t
play with his copying machine, but I forgot. He also said to watch out for
the books on his desk, and I was careful as could be except for my elbow. He
also said don’t fool around with his phone, but I think I called Australia. My
dad said please don’t pick him up anymore. It was a terrible, horrible, no good, very bad day. There were lima beans for dinner and I hate lima beans. There was kissing on TV and I hate kissing. My bath was too hot, I got soap in my eyes, my marble went
down the drain, and I had to wear my railroad-train pajamas. I hate
my railroad-train pajamas. When I went to bed Nick took back the pillow he said I could
keep and the Mickey Mouse nightlight burned out and I bit my tongue.The
cat wants to sleep with Anthony, not with me. It has been a terrible, horrible, no good, very bad day. My mom says some days are like that. Even in Australia.
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