"Everybody knows the story of the
Three Little Pigs. Or at least they think they do.
But I'll let you
in on a little secret. Nobody knows the real story, because nobody has
ever heard my side of
the story.
I'm Alexander T. Wolf. You can call me Al.
I
don't know how this whole Big Bad Wolf thing got started, but it's all
wrong.
Maybe
it's because of our diet. Hey, it's not my fault wolves eat cute little
animals like bunnies and sheep and pigs. That's just the way
we are. If cheeseburgers were cute, folks would probably think you were
Big and Bad too.
But
like I was saying, the whole big bad wolf thing is all wrong. The real
story is about a sneeze and a cup of sugar.
THIS
IS THE REAL STORY
Way
back in Once Upon a Time time, I was making a birthday cake for my dear
old granny.
I
had a terrible sneezing cold.
I ran out of sugar.
So
I walked down the street to ask my neighbor for a cup of sugar. Now
this neighbor was a pig.
And
he wasn't too bright either.
He
had built his whole house out of straw.
Can
you believe it? I mean who in his right mind would build a house of
straw?
So
of course the minute I knocked on the door, it fell right in. I didn't
want to just walk into someone else's house. So I called, "Little Pig,
Little Pig, are you in?" No answer.
I
was just about to go home without the cup of sugar for my dear old
granny's birthday cake.
That's
when my nose started to itch.
I
felt a sneeze coming on.
Well
I huffed.
And
I snuffed.
And
I sneezed a great sneeze.
And
you know what? The whole darn straw house fell down. And right in the
middle of the pile of straw was the First Little Pig - dead as a
doornail.
He had been home the whole time.
It seemed like a shame to leave a perfectly good ham dinner lying there
in the straw. So I ate it up.
Think
of it as a cheeseburger just lying there.
I was feeling a little better. But I still didn't have my cup of sugar
. So I went to the next neighbor's house.
This
neighbor was the First Little Pig's brother.
He
was a little smarter, but not much.
He
has built his house of sticks.
I
rang the bell on the stick house. Nobody answered. I called, "Mr. Pig,
Mr. Pig, are you in?"
He
yelled back."Go away wolf. You can't come in. I'm shaving the hairs on
my shinny chin chin."
I
had just grabbed the doorknob when I felt another sneeze coming
on.
I
huffed. And I snuffed. And I tried to cover my mouth,
but I sneezed a great sneeze.
And
you are not going to believe this, but the guy's house fell down just
like his brother's.
When
the dust cleared, there was the Second Little Pig - dead as a
doornail. Wolf's honor.
Now
you know food will spoil if you just leave it out in the open.
So
I did the only thing there was to do. I had dinner
again. Think of it as a second helping. I was getting awfully
full.
But
my cold was feeling a little better. And I still didn't have that cup
of sugar for my dear old granny's birthday cake.
So
I went to the next house.
This
guy was the First and Second Little Pig's brother. He must have been
the brains of the family. He had built his house of
bricks.
I
knocked on the brick house. No answer. I called, "Mr Pig, Mr. Pig, are
you in?"
And
do you know what that rude little porker answered? "Get out of here,
Wolf. Don't bother me again."
Talk
about impolite! He probably had a whole sackful of
sugar.
And
he wouldn't give me even one little cup for my dear sweet old granny's
birthday cake. What a pig!
I
was just about to go home and maybe make a nice birthday card instead
of a cake, when I felt my cold coming on.
I
huffed And I snuffed. And I sneezed once again.
Then
the Third Little Pig yelled, " And your old granny can sit on a
pin!"
Now
I'm usually a pretty calm fellow. But when somebody talks about my
granny like that, I go a Little crazy.
When
the cops drove up, of course I was trying to break down this Pig's
door.
And
the whole time I was huffing and puffing and sneezing and making a real
scene.
The
rest as they say is history.
The
news reporters found out about the two pigs I had for dinner.
They
figured a sick guy going to borrow a cup of sugar didn't sound very
exciting.
So
they jazzed up the story with all of that "Huff and puff and blow your
house down"
And
they made me the Big Bad Wolf.
That's
it.
The real story. I was framed.
But
maybe you could loan me a cup of sugar."
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